I Need My Spiral Architect

Give me everything I've wanted in life for the past few years, and what do I get?  Feelings that nothing has changed, that while I may be doing everything I've wanted to do, I'm still so unsatisfied.  I came back to Arcata to get my shit together, to save up some money, pay off my bills, maybe buy a car and figure out where I'm going.  Now considering the economic depression I'm not exactly keen on buying some wheels at the moment or even moving out and getting an apartment or a house for that matter.  At first I thought it was hermit style of never leaving the house and playing online poker all day every day. Well I haven't even played in a while, I've been trying to go out more and I have succeeded in this department.  But the past few days have been interesting.

Thursday was the Reverend Horton Heat show, and it was a great show.  Maybe even worthy of a review, but I'm not in the mood for that.  What does matter is the amount of beer and liquor I drank that night, and how I wasn't totally wasted I was definitly drunk.

Friday night was Arts Arcata, my drinking having been curbed somewhat I only had.... four beers? Whatever, that's not even the point, as it was Saturday night that it seemed like we drank a lot over the longest period of time. Combined with a serious lack of sleep from Saturday night and a failed attempt at a mid-afternoon nap I knew my best friend was that can of Rockstar Juiced that would keep me going through Sunday night.

Figuring my traveling cranivale of friends wern't coming, only to learn they were much later than I thought, I ventured back out to Eureka and broke my (one of many) cardinal rules and kept up the drinking, however light it ended up being. Light drinking or heavy drinking, whatever... a couple pints and a couple shots. Now, when you were up all the previous night drinking for nearly 12 hours straight and you kind of doze off a little bit with no real sleep, then end up going out the next night and jumping right back on (off?) the wagon... STUPID! I didn't even get tipsy, I just got... I don't even know!

Smoking pot all the time definitely kills my sharp wit, and makes it a little more difficult to fully express myself when put on the spot, but drinking that much just gives me what I can best describe as blank stare. Just, blaaah... whereas you could say pot complicates those passageways in the brain that involve putting words to thought, I feel like alcohol just destroys it. Not that my brain is processing how to say what I want to say, but that my brain is just out of order, or at least a little disabled and outright incapable of expression.

So I feel it's time for a vacation. So I'm going down south for a couple weeks to stay with some friends and get the fuck outta dodge.  Too bad we don't live in the futuristic world of 1999's Total Recall, where we could not only take vacations from our homes but from ourselves using convoluted science fiction cliches. It might be nice to get out of this skin for a while.